| The book, "Boundaries: When to say Yes, How to | | | | your partner could have to your new moves, and |
| say No, to Take Control of You Life," by Henry | | | | decide if you can deal with them. If you can, then go |
| Cloud and John Townsend, truly changed my life. It | | | | ahead and change. But if you don't like the possible |
| taught me about how I interact with the people in | | | | outcomes, stop complaining! This smoothed out so |
| my life. It taught me to see the patterns of behavior | | | | many areas of my life. |
| that I engaged in. It gave me permission, tools, and | | | | I can't control my income - I choose what to do with |
| encouragement to change what I didn't like about my | | | | what I have. |
| relationships. And it told me that if I didn't hate | | | | I can't control if my husband calls. I could turn off the |
| something enough to change what I could, that I | | | | phone so I don't listen for it. |
| should stop complaining about it. It helped me to | | | | I can't control if my child throws a tantrum. I can put |
| OWN my problems. | | | | her out of earshot. |
| One of the powerful things I came away with was | | | | I can't change my body shape. I can wear flattering |
| the idea that any relationship is like a dance done | | | | clothes and colors. |
| with a partner. If I don't like the way we dance, then | | | | I can't make my children obey. I can make it |
| I have a few choices about what I can do. I could | | | | uncomfortable to disobey. |
| complain about it. I could say witty or convincing or | | | | I can't force my husband to give me gifts. I can buy |
| demanding things to try to make my dance partner | | | | flowers for my table. |
| change our dance. Or, I could just keep dancing in | | | | I can't do so many things. But I can learn to control |
| step with my partner and cry to myself about hating | | | | my reactions to things in my life. |
| our dance moves. | | | | "Boundaries" is a great book for the basics about |
| Alternatively, it was a possibility that I could - wonder | | | | what a boundary is and how you relate to other |
| of wonders - just stop dancing the way I disliked. I | | | | people in general. I learned later that there was also |
| could dance the way I wanted. Then there are a | | | | Boundaries with Kids; with Teens; in Marriage; in |
| few things that could happen: my partner could start | | | | Dating; with your Adult Children. My first thought |
| dancing like me. We could do an abridged kind of new | | | | was, well they sure milked that one! Then I read |
| compromise-dance. Or, my partner could still dance | | | | "Boundaries with Kids" and "Boundaries in Marriage" |
| one way and I could dance another way, each of us | | | | and I was completely shocked that each of the |
| doing our own dance. No one could force me to | | | | three books were completely different. They all used |
| dance a way I didn't want to!! I didn't have to try to | | | | the same words, definitions and theory, but they |
| find a clever way to trick my partner into dancing | | | | were not simply repackaged for a different focus |
| the way I wanted!! | | | | group... they were independently excellent books. I |
| The only change you can make is changing your own | | | | would very highly recommend them. One thing I |
| moves. If you don't like something --anything-- you | | | | haven't mentioned that is very important, is that the |
| can change the things that YOU YOURSELF are in | | | | "Boundaries" series are written by evangelical |
| control of. Sometimes, the only thing you are in | | | | Christians and that they utilize the power of prayer |
| control of is your reaction. You should weigh the | | | | and the Holy Spirit - they are not pop-psychology |
| options. You try to figure out the possible reactions | | | | how-to books. |