| "I want a girlfriend" is a phrase I read and hear a lot. I | | | | worry about my height because I didn't think I was |
| also hear some men say "I need a girlfriend." I also | | | | tall enough to date tall, attractive women. That was |
| have had men ask me "how do I get a girlfriend?". | | | | a huge waste of time and energy. I finally realized |
| My usual response is "why do you want (or need) | | | | that I needed to focus on what I could control, such |
| one so badly?" | | | | as my weight, my muscle tone, the way I ate, using |
| Somehow, somewhere, some men have been | | | | only one spray of cologne (instead of half the |
| conditioned to think that their lives would be more | | | | bottle), the whiteness of my teeth, my hairstyle, etc. |
| meaningful if they had a girlfriend. "But I feel like such | | | | 2. Confidence - I'm talking about natural confidence |
| a freak if I don't have one," says Jeremy, a 22 year | | | | that oozes from within, not the phony |
| old college Senior. "Most of my friends have one. I | | | | "I'm-such-a-bad-boy" confidence that immature men |
| feel like a loser." | | | | think is "cool". If you don't have it now there's only |
| I hear this from men of all ages and backgrounds. | | | | one way to get it: taking action; not just any action, |
| The problem here I see is two-fold: first, that men | | | | but action that forces you outside of your comfort |
| who say these kinds of things do not have the | | | | zone so that you actually grow. Think about it, if you |
| different skill sets they need in order to secure a | | | | have approach anxiety, you'll never overcome it if |
| date virtually anytime they want. Secondly, there is | | | | you don't approach. Remember the Rule of 25, which |
| an inherent problem in thinking that one needs to | | | | states you should eventually approach no less than |
| have a girlfriend in order to feel more complete, | | | | 25 women per week until you can talk to any |
| popular, or whatever other reason you can think of. | | | | woman, any time, and any where. Some men |
| Happiness and fulfillment should come from inside first | | | | achieve this in one week, others in 3 months |
| and then having a partner, a girlfriend, or a romantic | | | | because we are all different, have different shyness |
| interest should be the icing on the cake. So if you are | | | | levels, and might have a bunch of other things going |
| one of these men that feels and believes he has to | | | | on in our lives. |
| have a girlfriend, that's a big red flag that you are | | | | 3. Have A Life - Studies have shown that desireable |
| using that as a crutch. A crutch for what, you might | | | | men have active, social lives. Let's face it, when a |
| ask. It's a crutch for not facing the real, deeper | | | | woman knows that other women desire you, your |
| issue(s) that drive that false belief that you have to | | | | social value skyrockets. One way to increase your |
| have a girlfriend. | | | | own social value is to have hobbies and interests that |
| Men who want a girlfriend are coming from a place | | | | help improve who you are. Playing video games |
| of weakness, not power. For the sake of this article, | | | | versus going out an learning how to dance salsa, |
| power is defined as the ability to take consistent | | | | swing, or hip-hop might both be fun for you, but |
| action toward a very specific purpose. For example, | | | | take a wild guess which one gives you more |
| my friend David constantly tells me he wishes he had | | | | opportunities to meet women? If you couple this |
| a girlfriend, but he plays 30 to 40 hours of World of | | | | with a growing social network, you will naturally find |
| Warcraft each weak instead of learning how to | | | | yourself a very busy person with plenty of social |
| improve his social skills. That is not coming from a | | | | events and opportunities to meet new faces. I can |
| place of power. When a man desperately wants a | | | | go to any major city in the world and within 90 days |
| partner it makes him act and behave in a needy and | | | | I can build a social network of new faces and friends |
| desperate ways. Women pick up on this even before | | | | that would take an average man a lifetime to build. |
| you approach them. They can see it in your posture, | | | | That's only because I've done it time and time again. |
| your eyes, the way you move your arms, and other | | | | If you remained focused there's very little you can |
| aspects of your body language. Then when you talk | | | | accomplish. |
| they can hear it in your voice as well as where you | | | | 4. Having A Plan For Your Life - Are you starting to |
| place your hands. You shouldn't "want" a girlfriend or | | | | see a trend here? Have you noticed that the focal |
| "need" a girlfriend. You should choose to have one | | | | point has been to focus on yourself first? Most |
| when you meet a woman that fits your criteria, | | | | people go throughout life reacting to it instead of |
| won't play silly games with you, and compliments | | | | sitting down and writing some rough outline of what |
| your life, not impedes it. | | | | they really want out of life. Let's take Samuel, a 33 |
| Men sometimes want a girlfriend for the wrong | | | | year old recently divorced accountant, as an example. |
| reasons. Men should "choose" to have a girlfriend, not | | | | For many years Samuel thought that having a |
| "need" one because they are succumbing to social | | | | girlfriend and eventually getting married was the true |
| pressure or a feeling of insecurity or loneliness. There | | | | road to happiness, but he didn't have the social and |
| are times in my life where I did not have a girlfriend | | | | relationship skills to find the right mate and ended up |
| for several months or even longer than a year. That | | | | marrying the wrong woman. He began wondering if |
| did not mean that I did not date. I went out on | | | | this was as good as it gets (sounds like the movie |
| plenty of dates, but I never called any of them my | | | | right?). |
| girlfriend because I was at a place in my life at the | | | | One day Samuel called me with his dilemma and I |
| time where I did not want anything serious. I've had | | | | advised that he get away for a weekend and to |
| women tell me after a few months that they | | | | take a notebook and pen with him. I wanted him to |
| wanted to move in with me and when I told them | | | | spend the entire weekend writing down what he |
| "no", they gave me an ultimatum. | | | | really wanted out of life and the reasons behind |
| Either take the relationship to the next level or she | | | | them. When he called me a week later, he was a |
| would end it, she would say (after a few months? | | | | changed man. He started, "I thought that I always |
| Come on!). I would always end it right there on the | | | | needed a girlfriend to feel good about myself. Now I |
| spot because I never give into selfish ultimatums. | | | | realized that is just one facet to living. Real fulfillment |
| The fact is that my self-esteem and confidence are | | | | comes from within, from a sense of contributing, and |
| so high that I don't "need" a woman to originate my | | | | a sense of moving forward." |
| happiness. I think of my life as dessert and that any | | | | Samuel was starting to get it. And he eventually met |
| woman who wants to join me is simply the whip | | | | a woman that complimented his own life and he's |
| cream and strawberry on top of it. I realize that | | | | never been happier. |
| sounds a bit corny, but it's a very accurate metaphor. | | | | Do you still want a girlfriend? Or do you feel like you |
| I'm not saying that having a girlfriend is a bad thing. In | | | | still need one? It's very important that you take a |
| fact, it's a good thing when it is done for the right | | | | look inside yourself to find the answer. Remember, |
| reasons. | | | | you should never "need" a girlfriend. You should reach |
| So how does a man make himself more attractive? | | | | a point in your life where you "choose" to have a |
| The list is nearly endless, but here are a few pointers | | | | girlfriend on your terms. And that makes all the |
| that men need to seriously think about: | | | | difference in the world. Just ask Samuel. |
| 1. Physical Appearance And Hygiene - I used to | | | | |