| Starting over after a divorce or breakup can be hard. | | | | dance, travel, or play an instrument? Have you |
| Where do you go and what do you do? Men and | | | | always wanted to act, design clothes, weave, grow |
| women lose at least half of their social network | | | | a garden, swim, or fix clocks? No matter how bizarre |
| when they get divorced. Their relationships with | | | | it may sound to your friends, find what you have |
| relatives, in-laws, neighbors, work colleagues, and | | | | always loved to do or longed to discover and get |
| spousal friends all shift and change. It takes | | | | busy. Instead of dwelling on what went wrong with |
| determination to get out there and date. How do | | | | your life, start looking at what you have going for |
| you start over? | | | | you. You can build a new and wonderful life. |
| * Take care of your heart. | | | | *Attend some social events. |
| You are vulnerable at this time. Quiet, reflective, or | | | | It may feel awkward, but getting out to meet new |
| reading time is good. Hiking, fishing, gym time, art | | | | people in "safe" settings like church, weddings, |
| activities, team sports, cycling, cooking, counseling, | | | | reunions, funerals, gatherings at friend's houses, |
| classes, and self work is good. Spending time with | | | | meetings, conventions, conferences, and classes will |
| close friends and family is good. Brooding, worrying, | | | | give you energy. Stay as unattached as possible to |
| and obsessing on negative thoughts is not good. | | | | the outcome. Consider your evenings out as an |
| *Plan your weekends. | | | | exploration into the possible. |
| When you are home alone, spend some time planning | | | | * Visualize. |
| where you will go on the weekends. Weekends alone | | | | Before you go to any function, visualize how you |
| can be real downers if you are recently separated or | | | | would like your time there to be. See yourself as |
| divorced. Call a cousin, or your mother, father, sister, | | | | being friendly and confident, meeting interesting |
| brother, uncles, aunts, nieces or nephews. You have | | | | people. Before you fall asleep at night, picture how |
| people in your life you can take places with you who | | | | you would like your day and week to be. See |
| will not look like a date, no matter what gender they | | | | yourself as calm, happy, productive, and loved by |
| are. | | | | those around you. |
| *Find your forgotten talents. | | | | Whenever you get out, remember to smile and |
| Think about what you have always wanted to do or | | | | make eye contact with people. Ask questions, listen |
| used to do but put it down long ago. Take the action | | | | to the answers, and start conversations. Reach out. |
| steps to get involved in those activities again. Did you | | | | This is how you begin to build the foundation for |
| used to play tennis, ride horses, paint, sing, tap | | | | dating and starting over. |