| Truckin' is my life these days. Unfortunately, I couldn't | | | | she gave me a swift kick in the shin. I couldn't not |
| pass my commercial driver's license exams, so I'm | | | | slap her! Without discipline, children will run wild and |
| stuck inside my dually Sierra instead of a proper | | | | destroy our society. Too bad her father and the |
| Kenworth. I don't much mind, though. I'm just happy | | | | Wal-Mart lawyers couldn't understand that because I |
| to be away from my family for long stretches of | | | | was out on my ear in minutes. |
| time. Dianna used to be a right fine woman, and we | | | | Dianna's nagging grew into out and out ridicule after |
| had a lot of fun going out line dancing, playing | | | | that last lost job, and I knew that I couldn't stick |
| putt-putt golf, or just throwing back a 6-pack and | | | | around for long. That's when a buddy of mine planted |
| making out in my pickup. Everything changed when | | | | a bug in my ear about becoming a trucker. To be |
| she had the boys: twin monsters with a taste for | | | | honest, it's always been a dream of mine ever since |
| chocolate syrup and breaking my stuff. During those | | | | I first saw Smokey and the Bandit. I took some |
| first 5 years, Dianna and I steadily drifted apart. The | | | | classes, tried getting my license, but my cornering |
| boys were very demanding of her time and | | | | chops just weren't up to the State's standards. |
| attention, and I didn't really want to share her with a | | | | Rather than just give up, I bought myself a dually |
| couple of snot-nosed buttinskies. A chill settled over | | | | Sierra with a long bed and plush captain's chairs. Now, |
| our marriage, and I took to sleeping on the couch | | | | I work as an independent contractor hauling spent |
| because the boys hogged the bed. | | | | needles from the town's methadone clinic up to a |
| That was about the time when I decided to quit my | | | | waste site in the Beer City. It's a pretty good gig, |
| gig with Amway and look for gainful employment | | | | but the rising cost of diesel is starting to cut into my |
| that would get me out of the house. For a while, I | | | | bottom line. I did some sleuthing online and found a |
| tried my hand as a short order cook at the Red | | | | ton of accessories promising fuel savings for big rigs. |
| Lobster. But they caught me making off with about | | | | I figured it was worth a shot, so I ordered up a |
| 4 lbs of frozen shrimp one night so cut me loose. | | | | truck bed cover and a performance air filter. Both |
| After that, I pulled a stint as a greeter over at the | | | | have done wonders for my fuel consumption, which |
| Wal-Mart 2 towns over. That didn't go so well either. | | | | allows me to stay away from home even more. |
| I tried to offer a little girl a smiley face sticker, but | | | | |