| Have you ever been to Destin, Florida? I love the | | | | hippopotamuses in Fantasia, but with inferior |
| white sand beaches, moderate climate and beautiful | | | | choreography, a gaudier outfit, and large, pendulous |
| clear blue ocean there, although it's a much more | | | | breasts, thus came Sandra Valentine, scattering |
| touristy kind of place than it was about 30 years ago | | | | sunbathers, small children and a few loose pets. With |
| when I first went there with my father, step | | | | a high pitched squeal and appendages flying in all |
| mother, half-sister, and other family members. I | | | | directions, onward she came . . . along with the main |
| remember that we checked into this one and a half | | | | body of the swarm of bees. About 20 yards from |
| star motel right on the beach, next door to a new | | | | the water, her spasms and movements somehow |
| circular tower motel which had a revolving restaurant | | | | organized into this unholy rhythm of jiggling flesh, |
| on the top. Made my step-mother more than a little | | | | waving arms, waddling legs, and two enormous |
| bit nauseous being in the restaurant (a highlight of the | | | | breasts that bounced mightily back and forth from |
| trip for me, having been treated as a true step-child | | | | the vicinity of her lap all the way up to her face and |
| at times!). | | | | back. BAH-BLAM, BAH-BLAM, BAH-BLAM! |
| Anyway, when we first checked in we noticed that | | | | The entire crowded beach, which the rest of us now |
| there was this big wooden tub full of bottles of | | | | realized had been laughing mightily at our perils, |
| "Dark Tanning Oil With Genuine Coconut Oil" on sale in | | | | became silent in momentary awe. Except for the |
| the lobby for something like 2 bottles for a dollar. | | | | ones who were squawking and scrambling to get out |
| Hmmmm-just the thing for our budget! So we | | | | of her direct path. Even the bees seemed to back |
| splurged and bought 4 bottles and the woman at the | | | | off, although I think they did so mostly from a sense |
| front desk seemed so impressed that she threw | | | | of self preservation, since the mighty pendulums |
| two more bottles in for good measure! | | | | appeared to be exacting a toll of their own on the |
| Soon after we unpacked, we headed to the beach | | | | bees which ventured into their path. |
| with our spiffy swim suits, our relatively pale bodies | | | | Finally, she reached the edge of the water, and, |
| glistening with ample amounts of the aforementioned | | | | after about three more unsteady steps fell |
| tanning oil. As soon as we got near the beach, this | | | | facedown with a mighty splash into the |
| demonic bee that appeared to be a cross between a | | | | aforementioned 6 inches of water, momentarily |
| bumblebee, a pissed off hornet and a kamikaze pilot | | | | scattering water, sand and bees. The crowd regained |
| began to attack. So we began to dodge and swat as | | | | its voice and many applauded and cheered. Others, |
| we continued toward the water. Then another bee | | | | like myself, just laughed. The rest of our group |
| joined in and we dodged and swatted even more. | | | | rushed to her aid while the bees were still in disarray. |
| Then another couple of bees joined in and we began | | | | With considerable effort, they turned her over and |
| to look like the Grambling Marching Band double-timing | | | | drug her into the deeper and more bee-safe water |
| it to the beach. In only seconds, a whole swarm of | | | | (thus starting a ritual that was later adopted by |
| bees was upon us and the rout was on. | | | | Greenpeace and others along the west coast to |
| Thus began the famous Isaacs Family Forty Yard | | | | save large beached mammals). |
| Desperation Dash to the Ocean. A couple of the | | | | Once we had her in with the rest of us, in water up |
| family tried to dive in the water where it was still | | | | to our necks, we began to gather our wits and |
| only about 6 inches deep, thus burying their heads in | | | | ponder what had happened. As we sputtered |
| the sand (a family specialty) and exposing their | | | | theories of alien visitations, abnormal sunspot |
| nether regions (another family specialty). And a | | | | activities and unusual planetary alignments, another |
| couple of the more fortunate or more frightened | | | | beachgoer paddled close by on an air mattress and |
| ones of us hit the water so fast that we continued | | | | said, "I guess you folks bought the cheap tanning oil |
| running for another 15 or 20 yards on top of the | | | | too. Don't feel too bad, my folks bought some of |
| water before we sank beneath the surface. | | | | that coconut oil crap when we first got here too. I'm |
| Then there was my step-mother (heh, heh, heh). | | | | not sure whether it attracts those damn bees or just |
| Yep, straight out of the chorus line of the dancing | | | | thoroughly pisses them off! |