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National Redneck Party Convention

It's election year and I don't hear anybodybeing a vegetable, barley for grains, sugar
talking about the poor, redneck population.for the sweet tooth and what protein they get
They don't qualify for government aid orusually come in the form of a 2" square
healthcare, because they work jobs, (mostburger found at the local greasy spoon better
times), pay taxes (sometimes) and are seldomknown as the world famous Krystal...that's
heard griping about anything except theGreasetals to you redneck wannabes. Did I say
foreigners or something that has nothing to5...what the heck there are 4 of the main
do  with  them.food groups at least! When it's not Krystals,
they do a mite bit of fishin' or huntin' that
The REAL rednecks aren't worried about theirmore than makes up for any food groups the
living conditions, but the rest of us shouldbeer won't cover, bearin' in mind grease is
be or they could become a dying breed. Therethe 6th unofficial food group....but who's
would be a huge redneck voter turnout if youcountin? It's not a pretty picture being a
served beer, hosted a line dance and hadredneck. His ole' lady isn't pretty, his
bingo available for the old farts. Althoughmother isn't pretty, even the dogs don't look
if there is money to win at bingo you can betthat good. It's enough to make a feller'
there'll be more bingo players than linewanna'  drink.
dancers any day. You know the ones - they
have 3 major teeth missing, 4 dogs they gotAnd they live in a world that's always broke.
somehow, 7 fishing poles in the back of theirSomething is broke, the TV is broke, the
truck, 4 kids they pay child support on thatlawnmower is broke, the microwave is broke,
don't even look like them, and were neverthe freezer is broke, the easy chair isn't
married to or barely remember the kid's moms.easy-it's broke and of course, when he gets
Ok, I have to say it, they live in a trailerhis paycheck after child support deductions,
OR a homemade bomb shelter they built withhe's  broke,  too.
scrap  lumber.
But he keeps on thinking positive, positive
Everything they own has a hole in it - thethat something else is going to break, get a
couch, the carpet, the roof, the bedroomhole in it, or not be pretty tomorrow, then
door, the living room wall, their underwear,if  nothing  goes  wrong,  it's  a  good day.
their socks, their eardrums, their septum,
their front porch, their back porch, theirThey get up, decide to go to work are happy
shirts, their jeans and the floorboard onthe pickup starts, so go fishing instead. It
their pickup truck. Talk about being in thedoesn't take much to make a redneck happy.
hole.Rednecks are pretty low maintenance, as a
breed and they don't have to have a lot of
They hardly have anything to eat, who needsmaterial needs, unless it is their truck or
it when beer fills most of the 5 food groups.hunting and fishing gear.
What with starch being a carbohydrate, hops



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