| Right now there are four ads on TV that | | | | that he seemed out of sorts, I let him be. I |
| feature elephants. One is a tap dancing | | | | kind of wonder how many times he'd heard that |
| elephant that's advertising - I don't know | | | | question already - or was about to. Later I |
| what -another advertises a financial firm, | | | | found out that a couple of elephants had run |
| another something about Africa and the last | | | | amuck from the Shrine Circus, which had |
| one is for cookies, oreos with peanut butter | | | | indeed been in town.Not too long ago I was on |
| filling. The thing is, I just get the feeling | | | | a PETA website (People for the Ethical |
| that this is some sort of ploy to appeal to | | | | Treatment of Animals) and I noticed that they |
| the conservatives in America, you know, using | | | | had an article about the Shrine Circus and |
| this potent Republican to sell you stuff. | | | | their mistreatment (alleged. reputed) of |
| Well, I got news for all these advertising | | | | elephants. Elephants are generally social and |
| firms, I ain't gonna eat no damn Republican | | | | peacable animals and tend not to misbehave |
| cookies or Republican anything else. So cut | | | | unless things are really bad. That is female |
| it out, already.Anyways, all of these | | | | elephants. I guess male elephants aren't |
| elephants remind me of my own terrifying | | | | usually used because they're just SOBs and no |
| encounter with an escaped circus elephant. It | | | | one wants to deal with them. They're |
| happened about two years ago when I was still | | | | necessary to make more elephants, but that's |
| living in the Twin Cities. I was in Wisconsin | | | | about it. That pretty much holds true for the |
| for the Weekend visiting my father and I had | | | | males of many species, too, by the way. |
| gone out for a jog. As I was returning from | | | | Unless you neuter them, then they're just |
| my jog, I saw, about a block away in the | | | | pussycats.My problem with PETA is that they |
| park, a circus elephant. My first thought was | | | | seem to have the attitude that they're right |
| that I didn't know that elephants needed to | | | | and everyone who doesn't agree with them is |
| be walked but it must be what they were | | | | Hitler. Hey, PETA, even Hitler had his okay |
| doing. Elephants need exercise don't they? | | | | points. He was a vegetarian. Bet you don't |
| Makes sense. Right?I jogged a little closer | | | | disapprove of that. And I saw a video of |
| and saw that the elephant was being escorted | | | | Hitler once where he was petting a dog's |
| by two men. One was a trim older fellow with | | | | head. True, the dog was cowering in abject |
| silver hair who seemed to have a sort of | | | | terror, but Hitler was smiling and he was |
| patient, business-like air about him while | | | | nice to the frightened dog for at least as |
| the other guy was a young hillbilly with a | | | | long as the camera was rolling. So you got to |
| mullet and a pot-belly. They were guiding the | | | | give him that.You know, PETA, if you want to |
| elephant with sticks underneath her tusks. | | | | sell somebody on something - including ideas |
| The men stopped a woman passing by and it | | | | - the first thing you've got to do is build |
| looked like they were asking directions, as | | | | some rapport with them. When you're throwing |
| she then gestured towards the University, | | | | paint on someone you're not building a lot of |
| which is the direction they then turned.They | | | | rapport with them, unless perhaps, they're |
| passed by my Dad's house at the same time I | | | | also someone who likes throwing paint on |
| got there and I yelled out to them: "Hey, is | | | | people. Then you're on solid ground.Steve |
| the circus in town?" The Hillbilly replied in | | | | Sommers is the author of Breakfast with the |
| a grumpy voice: "It was." And then seeing | | | | Antichrist. |