| Right now there are four ads on TV that feature | | | | of sorts, I let him be. I kind of wonder how many |
| elephants. One is a tap dancing elephant that's | | | | times he'd heard that question already - or was |
| advertising - I don't know what -another advertises a | | | | about to. Later I found out that a couple of |
| financial firm, another something about Africa and the | | | | elephants had run amuck from the Shrine Circus, |
| last one is for cookies, oreos with peanut butter | | | | which had indeed been in town.Not too long ago I |
| filling. The thing is, I just get the feeling that this is | | | | was on a PETA website (People for the Ethical |
| some sort of ploy to appeal to the conservatives in | | | | Treatment of Animals) and I noticed that they had |
| America, you know, using this potent Republican to | | | | an article about the Shrine Circus and their |
| sell you stuff. Well, I got news for all these | | | | mistreatment (alleged. reputed) of elephants. |
| advertising firms, I ain't gonna eat no damn | | | | Elephants are generally social and peacable animals |
| Republican cookies or Republican anything else. So cut | | | | and tend not to misbehave unless things are really |
| it out, already.Anyways, all of these elephants remind | | | | bad. That is female elephants. I guess male elephants |
| me of my own terrifying encounter with an escaped | | | | aren't usually used because they're just SOBs and no |
| circus elephant. It happened about two years ago | | | | one wants to deal with them. They're necessary to |
| when I was still living in the Twin Cities. I was in | | | | make more elephants, but that's about it. That pretty |
| Wisconsin for the Weekend visiting my father and I | | | | much holds true for the males of many species, too, |
| had gone out for a jog. As I was returning from my | | | | by the way. Unless you neuter them, then they're |
| jog, I saw, about a block away in the park, a circus | | | | just pussycats.My problem with PETA is that they |
| elephant. My first thought was that I didn't know | | | | seem to have the attitude that they're right and |
| that elephants needed to be walked but it must be | | | | everyone who doesn't agree with them is Hitler. Hey, |
| what they were doing. Elephants need exercise don't | | | | PETA, even Hitler had his okay points. He was a |
| they? Makes sense. Right?I jogged a little closer and | | | | vegetarian. Bet you don't disapprove of that. And I |
| saw that the elephant was being escorted by two | | | | saw a video of Hitler once where he was petting a |
| men. One was a trim older fellow with silver hair who | | | | dog's head. True, the dog was cowering in abject |
| seemed to have a sort of patient, business-like air | | | | terror, but Hitler was smiling and he was nice to the |
| about him while the other guy was a young hillbilly | | | | frightened dog for at least as long as the camera |
| with a mullet and a pot-belly. They were guiding the | | | | was rolling. So you got to give him that.You know, |
| elephant with sticks underneath her tusks. The men | | | | PETA, if you want to sell somebody on something - |
| stopped a woman passing by and it looked like they | | | | including ideas - the first thing you've got to do is |
| were asking directions, as she then gestured towards | | | | build some rapport with them. When you're throwing |
| the University, which is the direction they then | | | | paint on someone you're not building a lot of rapport |
| turned.They passed by my Dad's house at the same | | | | with them, unless perhaps, they're also someone who |
| time I got there and I yelled out to them: "Hey, is | | | | likes throwing paint on people. Then you're on solid |
| the circus in town?" The Hillbilly replied in a grumpy | | | | ground.Steve Sommers is the author of Breakfast |
| voice: "It was." And then seeing that he seemed out | | | | with the Antichrist. |